fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
