you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
