She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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