He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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