I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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