I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dignity is for republicans.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
