It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
