U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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