His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize