i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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