You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize