whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
