all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
