girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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