I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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