I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
