i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize