these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
