ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
