Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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