so explain again why im purple
no
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
