Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
