I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
