I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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