yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
