I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
