I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize