I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
