So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
