Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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