Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
