Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just tell him i said nine months
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
