If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
