It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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