...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
