I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
