At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
