i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im part way to drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
