The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
