oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
