If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
