Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
