Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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