Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
