I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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