2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
50% drunk capacity currently
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
