Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
