Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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