I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize