I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize