Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
