bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
