I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize