ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
