i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize