What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
