She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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