in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
