so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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