K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
