You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
