Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize