i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize