your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
