dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
