The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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