i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
false alarm, still single
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
