Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
