Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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