I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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