When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
