this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
